


125. Landmine

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Sam Worthington and Ryan Kwanten [125]
Category: Actor RPF, Australian Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), True Blood RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-03
Updated: 2008-11-03
Packaged: 2018-01-15 22:51:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1322218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica





	125. Landmine

_**Sam Worthington and Ryan[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/kwanten/profile)**_[ **kwanten**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/kwanten/): landmine  
 **players only. backdated. takes place in New York, two days after[Sam and Ryan scene at the club](http://www.journalfen.net/users/kwanten/29199.html).**

"Ready when you are," Ryan says, glancing over his shoulder to where his lover is chopping tomatoes. The oil snaps and he quickly returns his attention to what he's doing, making sure the ground beef browns evenly. It's a perfect day for making chili, the September wind outside brisk and rain spattering against the windows. The weather suits Ryan's mood well: since their scene at Citadel two days ago, he hasn't wanted to leave the flat. Hasn't wanted to leave Sam, feeling a need to connect that's even more intense than usual. And so far, Sam is putting up with his clinginess.

"Here you go," Sam says, bringing the cutting board over and using his knife to guide the tomatoes into the pot. He rinses the board and slips it into the dishwasher, rubbing his hands together as he steps back beside Ryan. "What next?"

"Pour in the beans," Ryan answers, nodding towards the bowl full of soaking kidney beans sitting on the counter. "And that's about it. We let it simmer for a couple hours." _And work up an appetite_ , his mind supplies helpfully, but for once the words don't pass his lips. He doesn't want sex so much as he wants touch, which is an odd thing to get used to. "Later on you can taste it, make sure it's spicy enough. Fresh chiles don't carry quite as much of a punch as dried ones, but I wanted to do it up right."

Picking up the bowl of beans, Sam doublechecks with Ryan. "All the liquid too?" He's not much of a cook but he likes helping Ryan in the kitchen and when they're making something he _knows_ he likes, it's even more fun. 

"Yeah, we can use that. Most of it will cook down," Ryan agrees, stepping back to give Sam some space. Once the bowl is empty, Ryan stirs the pot, checking that the onions are precisely the right degree of translucent before he drops the heat. "Nice work," he says, giving Sam a grin before stepping to the sink to wash his hands.

Sam laughs. "Thanks. You did most of the work. I just took direction," he says, stepping up behind Ryan and kissing the back of his neck. He winds his arms around Ryan and steals the soap from him, washing their hands together.

Smiling, Ryan slides his soapy fingers over Sam's. "You take direction so well. Who'd have thought?" he teases, dropping his head back to rest against Sam's shoulder, then turning to nuzzle his lover's throat. Breathing him in.

That gets another laugh and fuck-- Sam could stay here all day. Just holding Ryan like this. But they really should move. "What do you want to do now?" he asks. "We could watch a movie," he suggests, thinking they might actually get to see the end for once.

"Yeah," Ryan agrees, instantly into the idea. He couldn't care less about the movie, but it's a perfect excuse to snuggle on the couch with Sam. And cuddling is one of the few things he still has difficulty asking for outright, even when he really needs it -- like now. He shuts off the tap and then hands Sam a dish towel to dry his hands. "Think we'll get a chance to use the fireplace before we leave New York?" he asks, glancing out the wide rain-washed windows as he heads into the living room.

"I hope so. Hell, we could probably use it today," Sam says, making a face at the nasty weather outside. "You want me to get in some wood?"

"Sure. Then we'll be all set. But not right now," Ryan adds, taking Sam's hand and pulling him down onto the couch. "Right now you're all mine." He grins and stretches out, putting his head on his lover's thigh the second Sam gets settled.

Sam slips his feet up on the coffee table and reaches for the remote, his other hand already stroking Ryan's hair. "What are you in the mood for?" he asks, turning on the television.

"Torture porn," Ryan answers, then laughs. "I'm kidding. Let's find something funny." He doesn't want something too heavy, but other than that he doesn't care -- he's already got what he wants right here, and he nearly purrs under Sam's caresses.

"Bridesmaids or Horrible Bosses?" Sam asks, scrolling through the choices, his hand moving lower, rubbing the back of Ryan's neck.

"Horrible Bosses," Ryan murmurs, shutting his eyes and rubbing his cheek gently against Sam's thigh. "Jason Bateman is pretty hot."

"Really?" Sam makes a bit of a face, hand stilling for a second as he orders the movie. "I would've thought you'd be more into Colin Farrell."

"Blech." Ryan pulls the remote control out of Sam's hand and sets it aside, then lifts his lover's fingers to his mouth. "You can watch for Jennifer Aniston's cleavage," he says, beginning to lick.

"There's cleavage?" Sam grins, settling back, his cock stiffening with the touch of Ryan's tongue.

"I heard that note of hope in your voice," Ryan teases. He opens his eyes again as the opening scene begins to play, lazily licking Sam's fingers. It's nearly absent-minded, except for the way that it grounds him, soothes him.

"I thought we were going to make sure we see the end of this one?" Sam teases, although now his hand's under the back of Ryan's shirt, stroking over warm skin.

"We are." Yeah, right. Ryan shifts slightly, moving into Sam's touch. But as if to prove he's behaving he takes Sam's fingers away from his lips and simply presses his lover's hand to his cheek.

"Mm." Sam slides his hand lower, rubbing over Ryan's back. He misses Ryan's mouth but he's the one who put a stop to it. Fuck. He should know better than to tease sometimes. He turns his attention to the movie. "Is that Colin Farrell?"

"...Yeah." Ryan stares at the widescreen in horror. "Oh my god, I didn't even recognize him." He kisses Sam's finger, and grins. "See? Jason Bateman. Told you." He shudders dramatically.

"He's too... vanilla-looking," Sam decides on, grinning down at Ryan, fingers busy tracing _I love you_ and _mine_ over his skin.

"Eh. It's the suit." Of course, Sam looks absolutely killer in a suit, so that logic doesn't really hold. Ryan snorts a laugh. "Looks vanilla, huh?" He turns so that he can smile up at Sam. "What did I look like to you, the first time you saw me?" At the L.A. Citadel, nearly a year ago now.

"Gorgeous," Sam says without a second's thought. "Killer smile, beautiful eyes...  great body..." Hand moving down the front of Ryan's shirt this time, stroking over his nipples and the rings running through them. "And since you were at Citadel, I sure as hell knew you weren't vanilla."

Ryan moans softly, his chest hitching into Sam's touch. "God," he mutters. "You were a wet dream come true. Completely blew my mind, like it took me days to really believe I hadn't imagined the whole thing."

Sam grins. "That night was incredible. Opening your cuts..." Fuck. His cock jumps in his jeans, pressing hard against the zipper. "And fucking you in front of the bathroom mirror..."

Is the movie even still playing? _Fuck_. Ryan stares up at his lover with hazy eyes. He always needs Sam, feels empty without him, but since the scene at Citadel the other day he's been needing him with an intensity that's almost scary. Reaching up now, he strokes his fingers along Sam's jaw, his breathing quickening. Then he pulls Sam down to kiss him.

Sam licks into Ryan's mouth, tasting him fully, so fucking in love with this man - his boy - his chest aches with it. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he whispers between kisses, brushing their lips together.

Ryan's heart clutches. "Come here," he whispers back, tugging at Sam's shirt and urging him to lie down fully. "Come make out with me."

Sam chuckles a little at that but he stretches out beside Ryan, pressing their bodies together and kissing him again and again.

Shifting on the couch, Ryan manages to work his way mostly under Sam, wrapping around his lover's body. He needs this so much right now -- needs to feel covered, sheltered. Protected in a way that he can't manage on his own. He whimpers softly against Sam's lips, tangling his fingers in his hair.

There's an urgency in Ryan's movements that worries Sam. Has him concerned. "You okay?" he whispers, in between kisses.

"Yes," Ryan whispers back. "Just need you." He says that pretty often, actually, but he means it in a different way this time. "Not sex," he says, trying to explain, although god his erection must surely give him the lie, pressing hard against Sam's thigh as it is. "Just you."

Sam exhales softly, nodding his understanding. He kisses Ryan again, sliding his hand up under his lover's shirt, slowly caressing him, ignoring both their erections for now. "You've got me. Always. I'm not going anywhere."

Biting his lip, Ryan nods. "You sure I'm not too clingy?" he murmurs, baring the insecurity that's been eating at him most recently. After all, Sam was used to being on his own for so long, and Ryan is usually pretty independent... not so these days. He brushes Sam's hair back off his forehead. "Since the scene, I mean?"

"I like you clingy," Sam says. "Not that I don't like it when you're not, but I don't mind. It's not like I wish I could get away from you. I like this," he nods towards the way they're wrapped around each other. He smiles at Ryan. "You know, I forget what it was like always being on my own. I just remember it felt pretty fucking lonely at times." 

"Yeah, it did," Ryan agrees softly. "No one to come home to, just an empty flat. No one to be with, without a whole lot of bullshit in between us." He remembers those years all too keenly, still.

Sam nods. "So stop worrying about smothering me," he says. "It's not going to happen. I'm not going to get sick of being with you. It's not ever going to be too much."

Ryan grins sheepishly. "Okay," he whispers, warmed through. He licks out at Sam's bottom lip, slowly tasting. Savoring.

"You might decide I'm too much though," Sam teases, pressing still closer, finding it hard to control his urges, his desire for his lover. Fingers dipping below Ryan's waistband.

The tease makes Ryan's breath catch in an instant. "I want you," he whispers, spreading his thighs slightly, making room. "Always."

Sam smiles, slowly unbuttoning Ryan's shirt and pushing the sides back, away from his chest, fingers trailing over his tightly-muscled abdomen. "You are so beautiful."

Ryan smiles slightly, shyly, watching Sam's face. "I love the way you look at me," he whispers. He doesn't waste a lot of time looking in the mirror, but to see his reflection in Sam's eyes... It makes a knot clutch tight in his stomach, in a way that's got nothing to do with lust.

Sam smiles. He shifts down the couch and lowers his head to Ryan's chest, pressing one kiss after another to his skin.

With a sigh, Ryan lets himself melt. He combs his fingers gently through Sam's hair, surrendering to sensation. Sensuality. He feels like Sam is casting a spell.

Sam spends a long time on Ryan's nipples, licking and sucking and biting softly, the rings gently tugged in his teeth before he moves on, working his way down Ryan's stomach.

 _Oh. God._ Ryan's nipples... Other than his throat, they're his biggest weak spots. Sam knows that. And he uses that information ruthlessly. Ryan is aching now, his cock a throbbing weight against his zipper. And the suspense of wondering what's to come just might kill him.

"So beautiful," Sam murmurs again, licking across Ryan's stomach, his skin tasting just as warm and golden as it looks. He teases his tongue under the waistband of Ryan's jeans, using his teeth to tug open the button and zipper, dragging it downward, Ryan's cock straining against his face through the denim. 

His breath catching, Ryan lifts his head to peer down at Sam for a moment. His lover is so close, so close... "Sir," Ryan whispers, and licks his lips. "God, Sam."

Sam grins up at Ryan and then licks a long line from the base of his cock to the tip. "Yeah?"

Ryan shivers, feeling that tease throughout his entire body. "Oh god," he whispers, his cock barely an inch from Sam's lips. "Please."

Sam licks around the head, flicking his tongue into the slit, getting the crown good and wet before sucking it into his mouth.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Ryan moans, relaxing back against the cushions. Letting himself be completely absorbed by what Sam is doing. It feels like heaven. He brushes the backs of his fingers through Sam's hair, just adding to the pleasure of touch.

Taking Ryan deep and then deeper into his throat, Sam swallows, his cock straining against the front of his jeans, the inside already damp where it rubs against his skin.

Subtly rocking his hips, Ryan feels an echoing pull of lust deep in his gut, beginning to coil tightly in his balls. "Sir..." he whispers, drowning in sensation. "God, Sir. Your mouth is so good." So good, in fact, that he's rapidly nearing the edge.

There's no way Sam's pulling off so he simply nods and renews his efforts, head bobbing up and down, his throat filled with his lover's cock again and again.

And in moments, it's too much. "Sir," Ryan gasps, his body suddenly going rigid with tension as he struggles to hold back. He digs his fingernails into the sofa cushions. "Please!"

Fuck. The desperation in Ryan's voice? It's almost enough to make him come, rutting against the couch like a teenager, but Sam holds back, nodding again and taking Ryan all the way into his throat, nose buried into the curls at his groin.

 _Oh god yes_. On that thought Ryan's mind whites the hell out, and he spills into his lover's throat with a cry. Sam's mouth satisfies and soothes him, pulling every last drop into himself.

Sam swallows, hot thick spurts warming his throat and belly. Christ. He makes sure he has everything and then pulls back slowly, taking the time to gently clean Ryan with his tongue.

A shudder works his way through Ryan's body and he moans softly, reaching for his lover. "Please," he begs, spreading his thighs.

With a nod, Sam kneels up, tugging Ryan's jeans from his legs before he pushes himself back up Ryan's body, his own jeans worked open as he goes, his cock freed.

The first penetration makes Ryan hiss with response, his body still way too sensitive. But he wants this. Loves this, when Sam fucks him right after he's come: when Ryan's self-interest is naturally diminished, and he can focus completely on his lover. His sir.

"Fuck, you feel so good," Sam breathes, sinking deep and then deeper until he's buried in Ryan's body, his lover's hole clenched tight around him.

Ryan moans agreement and wraps his arms around his lover. He starts to move with Sam, slowly for now, his senses heightened and focused on the feel of Sam's body, heavy and warm against his own. Solid.

Moving into Ryan with long deep strokes, Sam groans softly, roughly, working on holding back, keeping this slow, savouring the feel of Ryan under him, around him.

It's exactly what Ryan needs. He cups his hands on Sam's ass, bringing him in tight on each thrust. "I love you," he whispers, kissing his lover's jaw.

"I love you too," Sam whispers back, licking into Ryan's mouth, his thrusts a little harder.

Ryan whimpers and draws his knees up to his chest, opening himself even more. He can feel each long liquid stroke like it's a streak of fire inside him. Branding.

"Oh god, I'm gonna come," Sam growls softly, bracing his feet against the end of the couch and thrusting sharply. "Gonna fill you up."

"Yes," Ryan gasps, arching under his lover. He can feel Sam's muscles working beneath his hands. "Yes, Sir. Please!"

Another half dozen snaps of his hips and Sam comes, hard, with a wordless shout, pouring his seed into Ryan.

 _Fuck. Yes._ Ryan shivers, his breath tight in his chest. He clings to Sam like his lover is the only thing keeping him grounded. Desperate. Raw and vulnerable. 

Heart pounding in his chest, Sam collapses against Ryan, working his arms under and around him, holding him close. Kisses him softly, again and again.

Too shaky yet to respond, Ryan passively lets himself be kissed. These are the moments that scare him, still. As far as they've come in their relationship together, it still terrifies Ryan to feel this seething raw need, like there's a gaping hole inside him that Sam can never fill.

"Hey, you okay?" Sam murmurs, shifting just a little so they can stay this way even longer.

"Yeah." _No._ But Ryan isn't running -- at least Sam cured him of that much. He combs his fingers gently through Sam's thick hair and tries to calm his incipient panic, tries to simply be. Hugging his lover, he gradually relaxes.

"I wish I could say or do something to make things better," Sam whispers. He can feel the tension in Ryan's frame even as his lover struggles to relax and it kills him. It's not a turn-off to be needed this much. Not something he'd run away from. Not with Ryan. He _needs_ to be needed. To be anchored and held and _needed_.

"You are," Ryan says softly, soaking up the security in Sam's embrace. He'd be a fool not to take what's offered, especially when it's obvious how well his lover understands him. "Just like this.""

"Can I ask you something?" Sam says tentatively, unsure whether he should really go there or not.

Ryan rubs his cheek against Sam's hair. He can feel Sam softening inside his wet hole, and he loves that they're still so tightly tangled together. "Of course."

"Did you feel this way before?" Sam asks, hoping he's not stepping on a landmine. Ryan's never minded talking about Andrew before but... "In the past. With Andrew," he clarifies, because Christ, if he can't come out with it, he shouldn't be asking.

"No," Ryan answers, after a long moment of thought. "I... I don't know, maybe I took him for granted. But I just thought he'd be there, that we'd be together. I thought that was just the way it was," he explains softly, working his way through something he's never parsed before. "Except that, then, all of a sudden it wasn't." His jaw tightens for an instant before he can make himself go on. Is this it, then? Is he just laying all this bullshit on Sam because he still feels betrayed by Andrew? "Maybe that's partly where this is coming from." But he never needed Andrew like this. Even when he thought they'd be matched for life, he never felt this yearning hunger he has for Sam.

"But not all of it," Sam clarifies, hugging Ryan even closer, fingers stroking over his skin.

"No." Ryan shuts his eyes and tries to simply feel, focusing on the sensation of Sam's skin against his own. In spite of the dangerous waters he still feels warm, safe. "Not all of it."

Sam nods. "You know, it's almost been a year," he says softly. "I know you and Andrew were together for longer but for me, it's like a lifetime already. I can't imagine us ever not fitting together this perfectly."

Ryan nods slightly, biting his lip. "Yeah. Me too," he whispers. Maybe it's not the time for promises, but... "I'm always going to want you, Sam. Always want to be with you."

"And I'm always going to want you," Sam says. "Always to be with you." He exhales softly. "I don't know how else to reassure you, but seriously, there's not a version of my future that doesn't have you in it. Front and centre."

"Love, you don't have to reassure me," Ryan murmurs, frowning in frustration at himself. He feels like such a jerk right now. "You're perfect. You're everything. And I'm..." he flicks a gaze ruefully down past Sam's shoulder. "...Leaking." It's not even their couch.

"It's leather. It cleans. And if it doesn't, I'll buy another one," Sam says, damned if he's moving. "So, explain it to me, because I think I'm still not getting it and I want to."

 _Oh god_. Ryan is so far out of his comfort zone right now -- being pushed to explain feelings he doesn't even want to admit to having. "I can't, Sam," he whispers, feeling a burning behind his eyes. "I don't know what you're asking for."

Sam nods. "Okay." He knows when to leave well enough alone even if he wishes Ryan would let him in. "I just thought we could talk about it. That it might make you feel better," he says softly, kissing Ryan again and hugging him close.

Guilt rears up to take Ryan, washing brutally through the last traces of afterglow. He hugs Sam back, sliding his hands over his lover's body. Simply craving touch, without demand.

"Love you," Sam whispers, shifting them again. He's still got no intention of moving but a nap seems like a really good idea about now.  



End file.
